themidnightson | Relating -- Gone AU

It's been a while since his cd collection has been changed out.

Which might mean it's been two months or even two weeks -- but there are pieces he's not listening to, and he abhors when he ends up double stacking cd's in the cases in the front compartment. It's anal, but then everyone who knows him well in this world, knows that they don't question Edward on his habits, predilections, priorities and opinions where it comes to anything even relational to music.

There are piles now. On the far seat is music he listened to often. On the near edge of the same seat is music he might need given the last while but not played recently. On the floor board near his foot is the pile of why is it taking up valuable space in my car.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

ofthefamily

"I thought you would be gone," Carlisle starts in a rush, finally exposing his memories of the past hour or so in Milliways. "I met you -- human you, you weren't any more than six and I couldn't make myself leave. I had to talk to you and ask you the simplest of questions before watching him -- you -- leave and I could have changed it."

Carlisle leans in even further against Edward here.

"I could have saved your life but I let him go and I am happy for it."

He makes it sound like Confession.

From:

themidnightson

He doesn't blink, staring at the face mere inches from his. It's a flood of words from Carlisle mouth smashed with jagged and clattering memories he pulls up in flashes, bits of conversations, words from himself and a small child with wide eyes.

That face in stunning clarity, alacrity as it's brightest point.

A flood of confusion, tinged with Carlisle's golden guilt-ridden victory, and expected understanding. Edward's eyes narrowed slightly as he was studying the pieces floating, flotsam and jetsam, through his mind.

From:

ofthefamily

"I killed that boy and I can't even apologize for it."

From:

themidnightson

Edward frowned, reaching out to touch Carlisle's cheek, but stopped in mid-reach, diverted to laying his hand on Carlisle's shoulder. The thought behind it a pale flicker in butterscotch.

"You didn't." Contritely, before a small tug at his frown, as though a reminder to himself. His voice quiets, softens. "You stayed with him until he was sent back where he belongs. To the life that gave him such a devotion to his parents and big dreams."

It's so distant it's almost a recitation of a fiction.

"You can not blame yourself for the plague anymore now than you could then." It's an even look, when the cd with the smallest glance, is tossed on to the floor pile. So it's out of his hands, since it's already as far out of his mind as it could get.

Simple, without fanfare, "You didn't kill-" him me him "-me, you saved me."

From:

ofthefamily

Carlisle's hands go where Edward's didn't on him, to Edward's neck and jaw and confirming his being solid.

"For myself."

He saved Edward for himself. Carlisle's always known that.

Carlisle leans in to kiss at Edward's lower lip. It only stays reverant and soft for about a second before he bites at it with a hiss.

From:

themidnightson

He remains perfectly, remotely still.

Lips pressed against his, slid, soft and smooth, and for a moment it's all he can do not to do anything. To feel as though he's outside of himself.

Outside of the gentle-tense-panicked worship of a statue by it's very, very flawed God. Before his lip is tugged and he feels a spike a pain, the unexpected pain causing his lips to part, top lip sliding over and bottom between known teeth, with a gasp.

From:

ofthefamily

Only Carlisle's teeth move off and away, mouth still pressed against Edward's. He wants to press but he can't shouldn't wants to

I'm sorry.

No he's not.

From:

themidnightson

Edward pulls back -- thankful he has no heart beat, thankful Carlisle can't hear him, trying not to listen the smallest, smallest, smallest whisper at the back of his mind -- his words far simpler than his both too teeming and nearly blanked expression.

"No. You aren't."

From:

ofthefamily

"I should go."

From:

themidnightson

"You always do."

There's a milliseconds blur -- where he'd closed his eyes and shook his head -- before saying, as he pinched the bridge of his nose and looked at the steering wheel, "I didn't mean that."

He did. But not the way it sound.

Exactly the way it sounded.

Just....not at the same.

From:

ofthefamily

Carlisle's still perilously close to ensconcing himself in Edward's lap.

"Just because I should go doesn't mean I want to."

From:

themidnightson

He'd sent Carlisle away last time -- on the precipice of trying to be comforting, trying to understand and help him. He'd sent him to Esme.

Then he'd pulled him back out on his own, selfish and conditional, terms. To remind him it wasn't his fault. Without mentioning that didn't make it better.

He kept his eyes forward. The leather could be cleaner.

"I know."

From:

ofthefamily

Don't send me away.

From:

themidnightson

His eyes half closed, lips pressing together.

If any words could have hurt more...

He sure they exist somewhere.
He doesn't want to hear it. Not now.

"What do you want, Carlisle?"

He already knows he'll give it, if it's just clear.
Even if it's not, even if he shouldn't.

Edited Date: 2009-07-21 02:38 pm (UTC)

From:

ofthefamily

"You. Here." Please.

He feels like he should be crying, even as Carlisle moves again to meet his lips to Edward's.

From:

themidnightson

Edward has to let his eyes slip closed. To feel the raze of pain he can't compare to anything else. When has he been hurt? What could hurt him, that he could compare it to the tear or snag of, this depth in his chest?

He is invulnerable except where certain people care to tread.

Carlisle's lips are soft. A touch he knows, a touch can never forget, even if he had gold dust to bribe the universe with -- he wouldn't, but the point, with those lips brushing his skin, the desperation and need invading his mind, is there.

He tilts his head, turning from the award position half away, turning from whatever might have been sensible before he asked not to be sent away, and pressed against them. A slow brush of movement from his lips, yielding even with his hands still in his lap.

From:

ofthefamily

Yes!

-- forgive me --

Carlisle picks up momentum and force when he cradles Edward's face in his hands and he tastes like nothing he's never forgotten before.

From:

themidnightson

It can be there, the settling sensation, the lingers in his every movement. When the thoughts can be moved over or around, when he shifts, trying to find something --

A hand ending up against the side of Carlisle's neck, loose and calmer than the rhythm Carlisle is setting. He matches without exceeding, without pushing for anything, even as the land left to want to pull away recedes.

Into the shape of Carlisle's lips, the texture of his tongue, the way his breath shivers through.

From:

ofthefamily

At least Carlisle's thoughts have given up trying to sound out anything but want.

It is at least easier for Carlisle. Hopefully for Edward, too.

Carlisle brings a knee up and forward and they meet chest-to-chest. Carlisle only just barely avoids knocking the gear shift into neutral.

From:

themidnightson

He can burn later, in the minutes, after living in the spaces between the real seconds, real lives, again? When everything will go back?

And still some small of him has to try, clings, eeking out, even when his hands have handled the tie and the first buttons and he's grazing the shape of Carlisle's collar bone with his nose.

"We don- you didn't do anything wrong."

From:

ofthefamily

"I have done. Before. Stop talking please."

From:

themidnightson

"No."

He bites the skin just under Carlisle's clavicle, drawing it between his teeth, just under the pressure it would take to sheer impenetrable skin.

"You haven't."

From:

ofthefamily

Another hiss at the contact of teeth with a mumbled god damn and Carlisle's hands fist in Edward's hair.

"If you ever left me again -- "

From:

themidnightson

"Once-" the words breaking on a combined growl and groan at Carlisle's hands in his hair, Edward grinding up against Carlisle without thinking about it in that second.

His mouth traces upward, to the hollow at Carlisle's throat.

"-in seventy-four god damn years-" His hands are harder, there's a line of anger in it, but not all of it from his words. There is so much there. So much unaddressed, so many years of it.

The last -- the gift, and trespass, of the only thing that had been his alone, that he'd never wanted to be alone in and was used to being so -- like straws and camels.

"-have I ever tried to?"

His hand demanding Carlisle's jaw tip, demanding a kiss this time. Not waiting, not listening, not following. It's hard and there's bitterness as much as there's seeking the source of all solution, absolution, the damned place where it started.

He doesn't even give a damn if she does come home right now.

Edited Date: 2009-07-21 04:01 pm (UTC)

From:

ofthefamily

Oddly enough?

Neither does Carlisle.

"Nnngh, Edward -- please just -- "

Carlisle doesn't even know what he's asking for. His brain keeps processing Edward pushing back against him.

From:

themidnightson

"I shouldn't."

It's far more sardonic, wicked, than it should sound. Honest; haggard against Carlisle's skin jaw. The reasons are all there, all falling through his hands, Ozymandias slipping into and out of his mind, slipping through the sand; forgotten by the traveler.

Shouldn't. Shouldn't. Shouldn't. How many years --

This will hurt. Someone, possibly more than himself.

Shouldn't stings with reminder, with empty a million empty hours or maybe its an attempt at saving himself still. But his hands aren't listening to his mouth or his thoughts, his face tilted into Carlisle while he's tugging up shirt tails to settle hands under, against the long panes of his stomach.

Fingers curling around to the back possessively even as his thumbs drew half-bidden, half-forbidden notes across the edges of Carlisle abdomen.

From:

ofthefamily

("Just because I should go doesn't mean I want to -- ")

"We could drive. Somewhere. Just run."

Carlisle sounds about ready to choke; there's so little left blocking him from Edward that the steering column against his back may strain and crumple soon.

From:

themidnightson

His fingers tighten, the fourth quarter note and the key change forgotten for pressing fingertips into the lowest of ribs, for pulling Carlisle forward. Golden eyes seeking out the face they've abandoned for endless minutes, for the quietest of damning words.

"Don't leave me."

From:

ofthefamily

Levers are pulled, seats are reclined, and shirts are most definitely disposed of.

i missed you thank you i'm sorry nnnngh edward

A fair number of Edward's CD cases crack.

From:

themidnightson

His is easier. Cotton and spandex blends in modern clothing, like the jeans, made to hug and hold skin, not to look professional. A teenager wouldn't care. Edward rarely does -- and only then enough to tell Alice colors and cuts he finds tiresome.

He doesn't care when the plastic on the floorboards cracks, when the seat groans to halt under their weight, gears unable to give anymore. He can't be insane or delirious, he doesn't want to be sane, he knows how this will end.

He doesn't care, with the full weight of Carlisle like the sky above him.

From:

ofthefamily

Carlisle doesn't know where to start. Esme is different. This is different, and different in ways that Carlisle didn't know he missed.

He hums as his mouth moves everywhere he can reach on Edward's body, everywhere he is granted access to and everywhere he'd beg for if necessary.

From:

themidnightson

The thoughts, images and sentences, evoking memories, falling through him, are mirrored, half kept and half discarded. He made his choice so long ago. Yesterday and eons ago.

Anything -- anything -- was better than the alternative.

He doesn't stop the small sounds that escape at Carlisle's touch anymore than he can help arching his back toward that mouth in the brief seconds when he pulls away to find the next place to do the same thing.

From:

ofthefamily

Carlisle died when he was 23. It's rare that he feels that young.

His hand pivots at the wrist to push into Edward's pants, trying to find a rhythm at the awkward angle and succeeding feebly.

There's not enough but it's what Carlisle can claim.

From:

themidnightson

The sound is outside of him.

Hoarse; deprecating in a reverent swear word, almost a sob, tangled in bronze hair on his cheeks, when his eyes widen and his body shudders near violently. Given four seconds he could say how many years, how many exact days it has been since anyone touched him in such a fashion -- since Carlisle has.

He doesn't want those four seconds.

It's all he can do when he grinds up into Carlisle's grip, his pants and car can burn, too, forehead thrashing forward into his -- maker's, oldest companion's, father's, inspiration's, curse's, Carlisle's -- shoulder, to bite down on the inside of his own cheek to keep singular sets words that never spilled in too many decades before from coming out of his mouth like an unstoppable torrent.

From:

ofthefamily

"Fuckin' -- oh my -- "

Edward is writhing under him and pressing himself to Carlisle even though he doesn't deserve this response. Doesn't deserve anything but --

Carlisle tilts his head to one side to taste Edward's skin at the neck before pulling back an inch or two, his free hand moving from the headrest behind Edward on the driver's seat to hovering near Edward's parted mouth.

do it do it do it please do it do it

It's an obvious position. It's also probably the only available extremity of Carlisle's to Edward at the moment.

From:

themidnightson

The CD's will be in pieces. Glittering prismatic shrapnel jagged and impotent. What of their family, their world -- the one that is melting further from existence on the long, slim fingers firm and quirked, awkward holding, satin movement in a harried rush dragging every though he has to it.

Was there a time when the world still existed if Carlisle so much as though that word to himself once?

There isn't a no left in him now. There isn't reason or rhyme or apology. Maybe if they weren't touching, if Carlisle was still outside of the car, if anyone or anything else impeded the flood Carlisle.

Edward reached up to that offer, that plea, lacing his opposite hand with Carlisle's, fingers intermingling, only to draw it to his chin. To run his lips across the tips of Carlisle's first two fingers before sucking them into his mouth.

From:

ofthefamily

Edward is nicer than Carlisle had expected. Or wanted, though he is beyond recognizing that here. They continue to move together silently and Carlisle concentrates wholly on Edward - his reactions, his need -

at least i can serve this him you please come to for me

Carlisle doesn't try to close Edward's jaw around his fingertips.

From:

themidnightson

He can't doesn't shouldn't want this, won't try to admitting he does still, when the movement of his hips, rising and receding faster at Carlisle's request, his requests which are orders even with question marks, has probably dented the seat.

Large houses could not stand against their kind,
Why would a a very small, fragile car?

When he does, he jerks Carlisle's hand from his mouth, shoving his nose into those knuckles when his hands grip tightens warningly. His body strung and tight suddenly with the center of him jutting upward in short uncontrollable spasms, stickiness flooding fingers and denim, eyes and jaw clenched tightly closed.

From:

ofthefamily

Carlisle's eyes nearly roll back in his head at the vision of Edward underneath him as he orgasms but he stays focused, slowing to let Edward settle and come back to reality.

The reality where Carlisle is crushing him into the driver's seat of the now-damaged Volvo, his CDs are so much plastic confetti, and Carlisle's hand retracts from Edward's waistband to be brought hesitantly to Carlisle's mouth for a taste. It's more than he had hoped for coming back to the house from Milliways, if he had had cogent hopes at all.

From:

themidnightson

"I'm going to hate you for a while tomorrow." He says it as casually as though he were reading a headline to Carlisle from across a room, even when his hands traced up the flat of the small of Carlisle's back.

Fingertips flattening against skin he remembers, refuses to forget even in an existence where he can't, eyes only half opened. Thinking they don't have tomorrows. Just one long today, broken into human boxes.

They drift lower, pulling Carlisle back to him with the pressure of his forearms against the sides above. And lower still, when he turns his face and leans it in against Carlisle's head, to say, lowly but lacking in anything that be meek or sly or quiet;

"Sometime after I give your back the right to think straight."

And he bit the side of Carlisle's neck without warning.