(no subject)

[themidnightson]

The house had never seemed small, but left to pack it and watch over Esme --

I need to do this. If someone had treated you this horribly I would ha-- please, Edward.





"Go."

-- while Carlisle is away, he can't tell how there was such ample space anymore. The rooms tumble into each other and he's distracted by her thoughts, as much as by her every move and step, even as his hands continue, monotonously, to pack boxes.

Comments

[themidnightson]

Edward's expression was blanker than it needed to be. One day she'd recognize the herald of an almost frown, but for now it's just the absence of too much.

"You'll have time to ask him about his story once he returns." Because even if Edward knew more than he'd ever been told, he knew it wasn't his to give out, anymore than Esme's had been something he felt to give out in completion to Carlisle.

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

Esme nods. "I will do that."

She turns her attention back to the books she is packing and is successful at holding the most important question she has at bay for a few minutes.

"Did you tell him?"

[themidnightson]

Edward didn't stop moving.

"Yes, and no."

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

Yes and no.

She has no idea what that's supposed to mean.

"Would you mind elaborating please?" she asks, trying carefully to keep her voice steady.

[themidnightson]

"He has a very general idea of what happened to you," Edward clarified. One that had nothing on the flicker of memories that surfaced unbidden into Edward's own memory. Things he could have lived without having shoved into his head.

"About your husband, and your leaving him, but none of the specifics." Not the abuse, not her child, and not the suicide; which he was subtly trying not to shove into her face that he did have.

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

She does pick up on his underlying meaning and is more grateful that she realized.

"Thank you," she says quietly.

[themidnightson]

Edward shrugged, faintly just the rise and drop of shoulders, bronze hair swaying with the movement. Deep relief and sharp annoyance in one swell at the words, at how deeply they were meant and of the division he'd created in himself for them.

"It's not my place--you didn't choose for me to know."

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

Esme nods and turns back to her work.

There's one thought she can't get out of her head though and it's a question she will never allow herself to speak out loud.

Why doesn't Edward like me?

Mostly she's worried that Edward's disapproval will lead to Carlisle casting her out and the thought of being on her own terrifies her.

[themidnightson]

She's so soft, too soft, it's almost indefensible the way her mind winds through everything.

"If it helps," the words are out of his mouth before he can stop himself. He hadn't mean, didn't need, to be consoling her, and yet couldn't let her... "I don't specifically dislike you. This is new for me, too."

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

It does help, some.

Esme looks up from the box she is meticulously organizing. "You resent having someone new in your life?"

[themidnightson]

"I wouldn't chose that word." It's too precise and too correct and all once too dramatic. "It's just a very drastic change, very suddenly after we'd only gotten settled again."

And that was your fault, too.

"Nothing like this," like you, "has happened before."

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

"And now you're unsettled and have to move," Esme says, surveying the boxes around them. "And it's my fault."

[themidnightson]

"No," Edward said. It's simple, a very quiet, meant whisper. "Fault would claim that you had some choice in these circumstances. You didn't choose any of this, and you can't be blamed for it."

Except the choosing to stay part, but he couldn't begrudge her that even.

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

"Are you angry with Carlisle?" she asks.

Part of her thinks she should stop asking questions, but there is so much about her new life she doesn't know that she can't help herself.

[themidnightson]

"No," Edward shook his head quickly.

He knew the words he was, and they were harder than anger.

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

Esme isn't so sure she believes that.

"Do you want me to go?"

The last thing she wants is to completely uproot their lives, such as they are.

[themidnightson]

He's not sure what bothers him more: his first reaction, her unlikely compassion, or his second reaction based on her compassion.









"Next question."

[mamavamp.livejournal.com]

"I think... that I'm going to take a shower," Esme says.

There's too much for her to think about and she can't focus her thoughts, especially knowing that Edward will hear them all.

[themidnightson]

Edward made a sound of noncommittal acknowledgment with a faint nod of his head as he finished the second to last drawer and started on the last one.